The Old Guard 2: this movie could have been an email
- Camila Buck
- Jul 12
- 3 min read
Let me just say, this movie disappointed me so much that I am currently sitting next to my better half asking him how in the hell do I word this.
The Old Guard 2 was a movie that had so much potential for amazing fight scenes, more touching moments, redemption, and set up for a third movie. But, much to my and many other's disappointment, The Old Guard 2 is a collage of average fight scenes, a mediocre antagonist, and the biggest case of movie blue balls I've ever had.
There. I guess I did it.
The Old Guard 2 review - spoilers below
There are many things in my "Do Not Like" list for this movie, but I'll only go over the ones that occupy the most brain space.
The Old Guard 2 picks up where The Old Guard left off - Booker (played expertly by Matthias Schoenaerts) has been exiled, Andy (Charlize Theron) has lost her ability to regenerate/her immortality, we learn that her ex-lover Quynh has escaped the hell she had been trapped in - she'd been locked inside an iron maiden-like contraption and had been tossed away to the bottom of the sea as she'd die over and over, only to come back to life for those brief moments of consciousness long enough to know she was drowning for five hundred years. That's literally hell, I wouldn't wish that on my worse enemy. Anyway, Quynh escapes, thanks to Discord (Uma Thurman), who was somehow able to find her centuries after witnessing the event herself.
Now, Quynh's story is tragic and heavy, and the perfect villain fuel. But this villain fuel was grossly mishandled. To me, personally, the idea of Quynh being this pissed off at Andy for not spending 500 years looking for a dot in the ocean with the chance that Quynh's immortality had run out instead of, you know, trying to come up with some revenge plot against mortals since they did this to her was... a choice. How was Andy supposed to know she hadn't lost her immortality - which I want to say is a miracle considering other Immortals lost theirs after much fewer deaths. Quynh died repeatedly, hourly, nonstop for 500 years. How could Andy have known where to even spot her? The Earth is 71% water and 96% of that are ocean waters. Where do you even start? At least Quynh becomes a somewhat more likable character when she rejoins forces with Andy at the end.
Uma Thurman's presence as Discord (I kept thinking of the Discord app every time her name is mentioned in the movie) gave me such hope, and yet it made me so sad. You put a badass in a badass franchise, facing off against another badass, and... do almost nothing of relevance with her? Discord does a lot of appearing and a lot of talking, a lot of setup in a way that made this entire movie feel like a filler, has her one short fight with Andy at the end, and disappears with Andy's friends to try and steal their immortality and make it hers. Her character felt like a shallow Main NPC, even though she's the supposed "big bad". I felt more annoyed at her pointless presence in every scene than I was overjoyed in seeing her beautiful and talented face. I really love Uma Thurman and I am so sad.
I will say, the one thing this movie did right was Booker's redemption. One, I adore that actor - Matthias can act his gorgeous heart out. Two - what a way to go. What a friend. You can tell he really regretted his betrayal as he literally did not hesitate to wish away his immortality to Andy and sacrifice himself for her safety. He loved her, and he was so ready to go. RIP, Booker.
TL;DR - The Old Guard 2 felt like a filler movie, and it felt like an injustice having to wait 5 years for such a flat sequel.
Listen, I don't like to shit on things. It takes a lot for me to not like something to the point of talking about it, and this does not make me feel good. This does not spark joy. Especially considering the fact I really loved the first movie. If there is a third movie in the works (not really sure as of right now), I really hope there's more substance than just filler content to do justice to such a cool franchise. Otherwise, perusing through The Old Guard comic books sounds like the best route.
The Old Guard 2 is now streaming on Netflix.
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