Weekly Nerdy Horoscope: it's time to roll the dice with Critical Role

Welcome back, brave adventurer, to your weekly zodiac quest!

This week, celebrating the recent announcement of its fourth campaign, we're journeying through the stars guided by the mighty cast of Critical Role. Whether you favor Vox Machina, The Mighty Nein, or Bells Hells, the cosmos has crits and chaos aplenty waiting for you.

Each sign has been aligned with a character from the beloved campaign series, complete with magical insight, thematic wisdom, and a little Bardic flair.

Let us dive in, shall we?

Your Critical Role horoscope: week of 8/11

♈ Aries – Grog Strongjaw

Theme Song: "Scanlan Shorthalt's Greatest Hits (Vol. 1)"

You're charging through the week like a barbarian with a greataxe and a single brain cell. Let your raw energy lead, but don't forget to pause for a snack (or a deep philosophical moment). Midweek, roll an Insight check before picking your next battle.

Dungeon Master Tip: Channel your power productively—lift something heavy, solve a problem with blunt force (gently).

♉ Taurus – Caduceus Clay

Theme Song: "Mushroom Tea Meditation"

You’re a grounding force this week, Taurus. Like Caduceus, your calm is your power. Plant something (literally or metaphorically), tend to your emotional compost, and trust that transformation is underway.

Dungeon Master Tip: A salt bath + tea = spell components for tranquility.

♊ Gemini – Vex'ahlia

Theme Song: "All Eyes on Trinket"

Dual-wielding charm and cunning, you're ready to take aim at your goals. Trust your instincts—especially around midweek when a tricky conversation arises. Your words are your arrows, so aim true.

Dungeon Master Tip: Journal your wins and losses like a ranger’s logbook.

♋ Cancer – Jester Lavorre

Theme Song: "The Traveler is My Bestie"

Whimsical, chaotic, and full of heart—this week is ripe for joy spells. Spread laughter like confetti and let your intuition lead your art. A surprise message might arrive—respond with honesty and glitter.

Dungeon Master Tip: Draw a tarot card or oracle message in crayon. Trust it.

♌ Leo – Laudna

Theme Song: "Beauty in the Macabre"

You're embracing the weird and wonderful this week. Like Laudna, you captivate with your intensity and unshakable sense of self. Let your inner goth theater kid out to play. Find magic in the broken.

Dungeon Master Tip: Talk to your plants. They are listening.

♍ Virgo – Caleb Widogast

Theme Song: "Fire and Regret"

This is a week for intellectual alchemy. Organize, study, transmute. Your perfectionism has a place—but don’t let it paralyze you. Forgiveness is a powerful transmutation spell. Use it wisely.

Dungeon Master Tip: Annotate a book or podcast like a wizard’s grimoire.

♎ Libra – Keyleth of the Air Ashari

Theme Song: "Elemental Balance"

You’re dancing through the week in tune with the elements. Like Keyleth, you seek harmony—but remember, growth comes from risk. Say yes to a new challenge. Even if you stumble, you'll rise stronger.

Dungeon Master Tip: Take a walk barefoot and commune with the elements.

♏ Scorpio – Fjord Stone

Theme Song: "Sword Coast Secrets"

Mysterious waters run deep this week. You’re navigating trust, power, and purpose like a warlock with a past. Keep your blade sharp and your intentions clearer. A power shift is coming—be ready.

Dungeon Master Tip: Write a secret letter and burn it. Let it go.

♐ Sagittarius – Scanlan Shorthalt

Theme Song: "Magic’s Just an Excuse to Sing"

You’re the bard of your own life, Sagittarius, and this week calls for bold expression. Perform. Flirt. Write the damn song (or blog post). Just remember: even bards need rest.

Dungeon Master Tip: Speak a compliment aloud to a stranger. Bonus points if it rhymes.

♑ Capricorn – Percy de Rolo

Theme Song: "Smoke and Vengeance"

Driven, focused, and a little haunted—this is a week for strategy and invention. Like Percy, your mind is your greatest weapon. Channel your inner artificer to fix what’s broken.

Dungeon Master Tip: Build something. Bonus if it includes gears.

♒ Aquarius – Imogen Temult

Theme Song: "Dreamstorm"

Your dreams hold keys this week, Aquarius. Imogen's psychic sensitivity mirrors your own energetic radar. Shield up, ground down, and listen to what’s really being said beneath the noise.

Dungeon Master Tip: Keep a dream journal or start a dream-themed playlist.

♓ Pisces – Pike Trickfoot

Theme Song: "Divine Intervention”

Your heart leads the way this week, Pisces. Pike’s strength lies in her fierce compassion. Offer help, lead a ritual, or simply hold space for someone in need. Grace is your divine weapon.

Dungeon Master Tip: Light a candle in gratitude. Let it burn all the way down.

Final Note

This week’s energy feels like a long rest after an epic arc—use it wisely. Recharge, reflect, and prep your spells. The next chapter’s about to begin.

Until next time! Roll high and hydrate.